


hardest hue to hold

by howlingheartdemigod (helpmeimstuckon)



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, F/F, LOOK at this cute shit!, PLEASE ask me about Marion and Nott and Yasha and everyone I have so many feelings, Soulmate-Identifying Marks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-14
Updated: 2019-02-14
Packaged: 2019-10-28 08:56:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17784383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/helpmeimstuckon/pseuds/howlingheartdemigod
Summary: Jester asked her mom a lot of questions about soulmarks, soulmates, souls. She asked if her mama’s clients had marks or not. She asked if her mark was a pretty one or not. She asked when she’d meet her soulmate. She asked that often.Marion always knew the perfect thing to say. Tucking Jester into bed, with a ‘You’ll find them when the time is right.’ Painting alongside her and telling her ‘You’ll know when you find them.’ Holding her tight and promising ‘Exactly when you need them most.’-Jester's soulmark turns gold, when she isn't looking. She and Nott go searching for who is responsible.





	hardest hue to hold

**Author's Note:**

> Originally a prompt fill on tumblr for an anon  
>  "beaujester soulmate au shenanigans for the request? love your writing!!!!"  
> thanks anon  
> find me there at howlingheartdemigod
> 
> title from nothing gold can stay by robert frost   
> ' Nature’s first green is gold,   
> Her hardest hue to hold.   
> Her early leaf’s a flower;   
> But only so an hour.   
> Then leaf subsides to leaf.   
> So Eden sank to grief,   
> So dawn goes down to day.   
> Nothing gold can stay. '

It wasn’t immediately clear to Jester what had happened. After all, her mark was a little hard to see. It wasn’t like she routinely twisted her whole body around to check the swirl of black waves on her back hip, traveling towards her side, had turned gold. It wasn’t like it was something she worried about anymore. She didn't care. Soulmates were a childish thing to care about. 

Except, like, she cared a little. She couldn’t help it, really. She wanted to know. She wanted to know if she’d ever meet her perfect other half. The person who’d spark joy in her life and send energy through her, turning her mark gold. It was just… a nice thought. It was a nice idea. And she’d been lucky enough to be born with a mark, which, as her mom explained to her, not everyone was lucky enough to have. It meant that her perfect half was already out there. That she wouldn’t have to spend time worrying, wondering if her mark was going to appear, or if she’d been born at the wrong time for it. She remembered watching her mom run her fingers over the twisting, bracelet like mark that had appeared and turned gold instantly upon her own birth. Marion had gotten a small tattoo of a blue gem over it. Jester didn’t even mind when she put a tight bangle over it to hide it from her clients, because she knew that she was right below it, the Ruby’s little Sapphire, her true soulmate. 

She asked her mom a lot of questions about soulmarks, soulmates, souls. She asked if her mama’s clients had marks or not. She asked if her mark was a pretty one or not. She asked when she’d meet her soulmate. She asked that often. 

Marion always knew the perfect thing to say. Tucking Jester into bed, with a ‘You’ll find them when the time is right.’ Painting alongside her and telling her ‘You’ll know when you find them.’ Holding her tight and promising ‘Exactly when you need them most.’

Jester wanted to ask even more questions. She wanted to ask if her Mama was sad that she’d had a baby for a soulmate, not a love. She wanted to ask if she wished Jester hadn’t come along, seeing as it made her job harder. She wanted to ask if she’d wished that her dad had been her soulmate instead. She never did ask, but she wanted to. 

She missed asking her mother those questions when she left. Missed the hesitationless reassurance. But it was okay. She’d be okay.

But things got so exciting so fast. She’d forgotten to even look at her mark for  _ days _ . She’d been so caught up with her new friends, and how much she loved them all and how quickly. She didn’t even think to look at it until they were resting, gold in their pockets from all the gnolls they’d killed for Bryce. Even when she thought about it, she didn’t check. She was already in bed, Beau snoring across the room, and she felt  _ content. _ So she didn’t let it worry her. She didn’t get up. She didn’t check. 

When she noticed the next day, though, she nearly screamed. She let out a little manic laugh, twisting her head around, an arm wrapping around her body to trace her fingers over it. 

“Ho-ly Shit!” she muttered, a smile coming to her lips. “Mama is going to lose it!”

“Jester!?” she heard Nott call from the door. “I heard a yelp! Are you okay?” 

Jester bounded to the door, pulling her top back into place for decency’s sake. She pulled it open, smiling. “Nott!” she said pulling her inside, ignoring the loaded crossbow in Nott’s hand. “Do you have a soulmark?” She asked, eyes alight with energy. “Is it gold? Did it turn gold in the last few days?”

Nott’s eyes were wide, staring at Jester, she lowered her bow. “No.” she shook her head. “No, I… No to all.” there was a tinge of a lie to her voice, that Jester just barely noticed. 

“Nott.” she said, head tilting. “Don’t lie to me, this is important. 

“I don’t have one anymore.” Nott said, eyes falling.

Jesters heart stopped a moment. 

Soulmarks were a funny thing. They appeared on your skin, black as ink, as soon as you and your soulmate were both alive. They turned gold if you met. But if your soulmate died, they turned the pinkish color of a scar, and slowly faded. 

Jester pulled Nott into a hug. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know. I wouldn’t have brought it up.” 

“It’s okay, Jester.” She Nott said, a small hand patting Jester’s head. “I’m okay. I’m just curious about you?” Nott pulled back, holding Jester at arms length by the arms, which, considering Nott was a goblin, wasn’t very far. “Tell me why you asked.” 

Jester smiled, bouncing a little on her toes. “Okay, okay.” she turned around, and dropped her shirt to her waist, showing the gold waves crashing away from her spine to her side. “I don’t know when it happened!” she said over her shoulder. She watched Nott smiled wide, a finger reaching to trace the mark. “I haven’t looked at it in a few days! And I’ve met so many people since then!” 

Nott smiled up at her. “Well, you’ve got the perfect person to help you figure out who it was!” She said. “We are expert investigators, after all.”

Jester smiled, pulling her shirt back up and whipping back around. “On the case!” she said, giving a sharp nod. “but,  _ Nott _ , we can’t just ask people. That’s rude! What if they don’t have one, or what if it’s gone. I was just so rude to you, I don’t want to be rude again.” 

Nott tapped her chin, “We’ll just have to use our expert interrogation techniques.”

Jester nodded in agreement, and they sat down on the bed, and hatched a plan.

 

* * *

 

They went after Fjord first. He was the first one she met, but he also had the distinct advantage of still being the first person they found downstairs. He was sitting at a table, glaring at one of Caleb’s books like it had called him a name. Nott slid up next to him, Jester across the room, trying her hardest to hear what they were saying, but only Nott was talking loud enough.

“So, Fjord! You ever, you know, been in love?!” Nott said, half shouting. Jester couldn’t quite hear Fjord’s response. “No special someone. Someone who’s like treasure to you?” Again, she strained her ears trying to hear Fjord to no avail. “No one in your life who’s like gold to you?!” Nott stressed. Jester leaned towards them, failing to be subtle at all. “No one who turned all the darkness in your life to light!?” 

Jester looked over to see Fjord slide uncomfortably out of his seat. He said something quiet, but a little stern, to Nott, then headed off. Jester let out a sigh, heading over to sit with Nott. “Well,  _ that _ was a bust.” 

“No kidding. He’s such a negative Nancy.” Nott replied. “And I didn’t even get to see if he had a mark!”

“He does.” Molly’s voice made them both jump, Nott’s hands flying up to guard her face like Beau had shown them. Molly was sitting, legs up on a chair, a table over. He was wearing what she could only assume was something Yahsa had lent him, with how oversized and plain colored it was. 

“how long have you been there!” Jester asked, squinting. “and where’s your coat?”

Molly laughed a little. “This whole time, and drying on the line.” 

Nott squinted. “How do you know if he has a mark?” She asked, leaning on the back of her chair towards him. 

“We’ve been roommates,  _ Bello. _ ” He replied, smiling at her like a minx. “A man can only avoid changing for so long. And I couldn’t help but peek.” Molly shrugged. “He has one. It’s on his leg, looks like tentacles, solid black.” 

Jester let out a little sigh, not sure if she was relieved or disappointed. “Okay, one down.” she smiled at Molly, “Since we’re talking about it-” 

“Oh, love, as much as I wish I did, I don’t have a mark at all.” He said, head shaking. “But, am I to assume you do, and a gold one to boot?”

“It just changed, but she doesn’t know when or by who.” Nott said, nodding. “You want to help us find out who it was?”

Molly pressed his lips, thinking. “I can at least knock a someone off your list. It isn’t Yasha.”

Jester watched Molly’s eyes drop, something sad there. “How do you know? Does she not have one?”

Molly shook his head. “It’s not my story to tell, love.” He looked back to them, smiling. “Anyway, I’ll leave you to it.” 

Jester sighed, a little annoyed, as Molly headed out the door, but figured he had his reasons. “Well, at least the list is shorter now.” She said, shrugging.

“Not short enough.” Nott replied. “We’ve talked to so many people since you last checked it!” She looked over. “How about this, divide and conquer. I’ll go ask Caleb, we can both look for Bryce-”

“I really don’t think It’s Bryce. They’re cute, but they also are all about rules and stuff, and I don’t think that fits. The Traveler wants me to cause mischief, I don’t think that would work.” Jester replied, head shaking. 

“Well, if I run into them, I’ll ask anyway.” Nott said waving a hand. “You talk to Beau, and Bryce if you see them first. Then we can make a list and work our way backwards.” 

Jester bit her lip, looking over at Nott. “What if… Nott, I was my mom’s soulmate but she wasn’t mine. What if I never know because I’m theirs but they aren’t mine?”

Nott’s head tilted. “Then we deal with that then. For now, we find our friends and find out if they have marks.”

Jester nodded, and scrubbed at her eye for a second. “Okay, okay.” she said, a hand moving to settle on the bit of the mark she could reach easily. “Sounds like a plan.”

“Meet me here in an  _ hour. _ ” Nott said, before she scrambled off. 

Jester took a breath, her heart in her throat, then headed off to find Beau. 

 

* * *

 

Beau was training. She had found some open space, a little green patch, surrounded by vines and flowers, and was moving through controlled forms, eyes shut, back to Jester. Jester didn’t totally understand all the Monk shit. She knew that it was meant to teach discipline, and patience, that moving deliberately from one form to the next was supposed to mean something. But she wasn’t sure what  _ Beau _ got from it. Beau, who was so full of life, who radiated energy. Watching her do all these slow steady calming movements, it was a paradox. A beautiful one, though. Jester would be happy if Beau was hers. She would only hope to be so lucky to have such a beautiful soulmate. 

She was standing quiet, trying to think of something to say, when Beau spoke up. “You can join me if you want, Jes. But or don’t, I just don’t like being stared at.” Beau let her hands fall to her sides, dropping the foot that had been balancing at her knee drop. She looked over her shoulder, and smiled. 

“I didn’t want to interrupt, Beau.” Jester said, voice soft. “You looked peaceful.”

Beau laughed a little. “Well, I guess it’s working then.” She moved to pick up her staff, “It’s supposed to be relaxing, help you focus the mind. I dunno if it works, but I think I look cool doing it.”

“You look cool doing anything.” Jester replied, folding her hands behind her back and pushing up on her toes. 

Beau laughed a bit, “thanks Jes.” She said, stepping towards her. “We headed out, or something? that why you came and found me?”

Jester wanted to say something cool, something clever. She wanted to be subtle, and not rude, just in case. She took a breath, hoping to say anything that fit the bill, but instead she blurted out. “Do you have a soulmate, Beau?”

Beau blinked in surprise, then, slowly, nodded. “Uh, yeah. Yeah, since I was about two years old I’ve had my mark.”

Jester nodded. “Is it gold?” She shook her head. “I mean, I just… I wanted to know because I wanted to know who else in the group did, and I wanted…” 

“It’s chill, Jester.” Beau started unwrapping the binds on her right wrist. “It’s black.” she said. “But it’s pretty. This little chain of blue bells. I’ve always thought it would be cool to get them filled-” Beau’s voice caught, staring at the once black mark on her wrist, now a bright shining gold. She let her fingers brush over it, a smile on her lips. “Holy shit.” She said. 

“that’s what I said.” Jester replied, feeling giddy. “I think… I realized this morning mine had turned gold, and… I think you might be my soulmate Beau.”

Beau lifted her eyes, smiling at Jester. “Yeah?” she said.

Jester lifted her hand, and took Beau’s wrist in her hand. At Jester’s touch, a warm ray of magic energy pulsed through them both, filling them with comfort and peace. Jester nodded, looking back up to Beau. “Yeah.” she promised. 

Nott found them in that garden, twenty minutes later, curled under the big tree. With the way Beau’s arm snaked around Jester’s waist, the gold of Beau’s mark hidden again by her arm bands, was laying against Jester’s, hidden by her dress. 

Jester’s mom was right, she realized, Beau had come  _ exactly _ when Jester needed her. 


End file.
